Monday madness

Monday madness // Kelsey, Especially

The good news about this photo is that it means I’m back at home and in bed on a Monday morning instead of at work. The bad news about this photo is that I’m back at home and in bed on a Monday morning instead of at work because I feel like death, which I suspect has something to do with the fact that it’s been approximately 57 sweltering (haha!) degrees inside our house for the last two days because our furnace broke. 

The guy is coming later today to fix it, which is great since the furnace will work again (theoretically) but is also kind of dumb since it’s supposed to be in the high 60s all week and we won’t even need to turn on the heat, unlike over the weekend when it was 20 fucking degrees out and we needed heat in here like whoa. We still need heat in here kind of like whoa, actually. Because it ain’t 60-something degrees out yet (more like 40-something…) and I threw this entire post together from bed, buried under every blanket I own and in two layers of pajamas and my robe. 

What a shit show you are, Monday. 

Shit show GIF // Kelsey, Especially

Be back tomorrow with a real post. If I haven’t frozen to death before then. I MAKE NO PROMISES. 

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GIF | via

Cool story, bro | vol. 6

I didn’t expect to be back with another list of Maddentonianisms this quickly, especially since it took me 6 months to get the last one up, but you guys. He doesn’t stop. At least, he didn’t this past week. The quotes keep on coming out of his mouth, and because I want to for sure remember them for all of always, they’ll keep getting plastered here. ENJOY! Just maybe not with your morning coffee. Unless you’re looking to start weekend chores early.

Cool story, bro | vol. 6 // Kelsey, Especially

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On the way home from daycare on Tuesday (backstory: RJ and I had decided on ‘breakfast for dinner’ that night, more specifically, blueberry muffins and fresh fruit; more backstory: blueberry muffins are Maddentonian’s absolute favorite thing EVER),

Madden: Mommy, what’s for dinner?

Me: OOOoooOOOooohhhh! You’re going to LOVE it! You get three guesses. GO!

Madden: Cookies?!

Me: Noooooo…

Madden: Chocolate?!

Me: Noooooo…. Only one more guuueeessss!

Madden: Uhhhh….ummmmm…SPIDERS?!

Me:  Huh? GIF // Kelsey, Especially

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After he demolished 2 pounds of grapes in a single day,

Me: How many grapes did you eat today?

Madden: *matter-of-factly and without hesitation* 50,000.

Me: Wow! That’s enough to make you poop A LOT!

Madden: NO! Hot sauce makes me poop a lot.

Me: Hmm okay GIF // Kelsey, Especially

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During bedtime, as RJ is tucking him into bed,

Madden: *whispering* Daddy I have to tell you a secret!

RJ: What?!

Madden: I want to invite you to my vitamin party!

RJ: Slow laugh GIF // Kelsey, Especially

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While he’s incessantly kicking the back of Shannon’s seat while on the way home,

Me: Please don’t kick the seat, son.

Madden: *as he continues to kick the seat* I’m not! I’m just ‘touching’ it like this…really hard.

Me: Are yo usurious right now GIF // Kelsey, Especially

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Me: Madden, what do you want for your birthday when you turn three?!

Madden: I want to get a birthday cake!

Me: What kind of birthday cake?

Madden: A purple one and a pink one and a white one. Those are my favorite colors.

Me: I like it GIF // Kelsey, Especially

GIFs via | [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

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Related: all the other ‘Cool story, bro’ editions; the funny shit Bri and Emma have saida conversation with an 8-year-old Briseis…in GIFs; and so many feelings.

Things making me happy this week | 02

Happy list // Kelsey, Especially

  • Bingo night with Bri at her school last Friday. $14 bucks got us 21 games of bingo A PIECE, plus dinner from Chick-fil-a. Can’t beat that.
  • Turning in another final…two more classes over seven more weeks and then I’M DONE WITH SCHOOL!
  • Fresh fruit and bacon for breakfast.

Happy list // Kelsey, Especially

  • Buying tickets to the aquarium for Madden’s birthday. IT’S OFFICIAL NOW! I’m so bummed that I have drill the weekend of his birthday but so, SO excited to have his actual birthday (a Friday) off of work to spend with him.
  • Persnickety Prints. So happy with the quality of their product, especially the color integrity of the photos I print through them. So much better than Artifact Uprising. Expect a proper review soon.

Happy list // Kelsey, Especially

  • More consistently-ish nice weather.
  • Smoothie dates with my littles.
  • A 70+ point increase of my credit score…over the course of a week.
  • New WOD gear!
  • CREATING A NEW INSTAGRAM – @cf_kelsey – FOR ALL MY CROSSFIT/RUNNING/FITNESS-Y STUFF! I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now and finally just…did. So. GO FOLLOW ME THERE! YAY!

Happy list // Kelsey, Especially

  • Nailing front squats at 95# in my workout on Sunday. For me, 95# is baby weight when it comes to cleaning, jerking, deadlifting and back squatting ; where it becomes heavy for me is snatching, bench pressing, overhead squatting and, you guessed it, front squatting – weak chest and quad muscles. WOMP. The competition I’m competing in in mid-April has an entire workout of JUST front squats at 95# (a 2 min AMRAP) as a buy-in to the second part of the WOD (also quad-heavy), so to know that I can put up more than 20 reps at 95# is encouraging (although drastically less than the number of reps I expect most of the other athletes to knock out). When I was doing CrossFit regularly at a real CrossFit gym my front squat 1RM was only 115#, so to have knocked out 30+ of them at only 20# less on Sunday is definitely an improvement.
  • Letting the kids “drive” through the neighborhood over the weekend.

Best text I sent this week, to Shannon of course:

“You know what’s really shitty (no pun intended)? When you walk into a public bathroom and it smells like someone’s asshole blew up and it’s annoying but whatever bc you’re the only one in there…until right when you flush and open the stall and someone else walks in and looks at you horrified and you want to scream, “IT WASN’T ME!” Lol.”

Other best text I sent this week, to Shannon of course:

“I’m starving. This left over taco stuff did nothing for me. And I have bodies for dinner tonight.”

Clearly I meant “…no idea for dinner tonight.” Damn autocorrect.

Best thing I heard in the office this week, first thing yesterday morning, very loudly and jubilantly in the middle of the hallway from a 65+ year old dude:

“I really liked when he pushed that bitch in front of the train!”

(I assume this was a conversation about House of Cards…)

Best thing Madden said this week, to RJ last night while being tucked into bed:

“Dad, can I tell you a secret? I want to invite you to my vitamin party.”

DA FUQ does that even mean? Is that euphemism for something? IS MY SON DOING DRUGS?!

Happy list 2 Kelsey, Especially

What’s making you happy this week?

What are your favorite non-craft/fashion/food blogs?

New blogs // Kelsey, Especially

I have an admission: A few weeks ago – right before life went into overdrive, or maybe at the very beginning of the shift into overdrive – I unfollowed every blog on my Bloglovin’ feed. I was sick of the little red badge perpetually screaming at me from the corner of my browser window, the number forever stuck at “100+” because I never had time to read through all the content, and even when I did I didn’t want to because even with following a billion different blogs all of the content was the same. That’s not any of those bloggers’ fault, I know. It’s part my fault for being so damn interested in the things in which I’m interested (like Project Life) and it’s part just the nature of the beast – Bloglovin’ only has so many categories of blogs to choose from and really, they overlap pretty heavily. And that’s what’s been getting me lately. The overlap. I love photography and memorykeeping and DIY-ing and capsule wardrobes, but I can only take so much of it. Stuff that challenges me creatively is great (necessary even), but I need stuff that challenges me intellectually, too. It’s that whole left brain/right brain, yin/yang thing.

I’m looking for less scripted, more spontaneity; less sponsored, more substance; less trying to sell me a product or on the author’s interest in what she’s writing about (or blatant lack thereof), more passion and genuineness. I’m looking for less cookie-cutter and less manufactured, more variety. I want thoughtful and thought-provoking. I want conversational, engaging, interesting, funny, angry, serious, real. Not censored or cutsey or sugarcoated. Not aggregate or contributor sites, like The Everygirl or Hello Giggles or Scary Mommy.

I know that a big part of my problem is that I haven’t ventured outside of Bloglovin’. I mean, I know there are other ways to read blogs, but the problem is, I have no idea where to find what I’m looking for. I think what I’m looking for is podcasts but as blogs (?), and I have a feeling that in order to find what I’m looking for, I’ll have to look beyond Bloglovin’, which is fine. I just need to know where beyond Bloglovin’ to look. So. YOU GUYS. What’ve you got for me?

The tales of two blue lace dresses

Blue lace dress // Kelsey, Especially

Briseis’s grandma (on her dad’s side) recently-ish gifted Emma a beautiful blue lace dress that she’s been in love with since the moment she unwrapped it. It is well-loved by little Emma, worn so frequently that it’s already torn and wearing out. When I was a kid, I too was gifted a blue lace dress, but I didn’t love mine as much as Emma loves hers.

When I was a kid, I was a bit of a tomboy. I spent most of my time outdoors – climbing trees, riding my bike, catching tadpoles, taping paper plates around my mid-section and pretending I was a Ninja Turtle, being the only girl in the entire county-wide league that played t-ball, digging, running, swimming, whatever – and dressed for that environment. That meant no skirts or dresses. They weren’t much my thing. It’s not that I was a dudely little girl. It’s just that I wasn’t a girly little girl. I’m still not.

Anyway. When I was a kid, lace leggings were all the rage (along with Polly Pockets, Skip-Its and pogs). I desperately wanted a pair (kind of like these ones), but we were poor and new clothes were never actually new for me, especially not ones that fancy. As the oldest cousin and only child, a source for hand-me-downs didn’t really exist, so I dressed in whatever came home from the thrift store or off of my mom’s sewing machine. Much to my chagrin, that meant no lace leggings. *SIGH*

Blue lace dress // Kelsey, Especially

The one day my mom was gifted a beautiful lace dress in my size. No question, she loved it more than I did. It was nicer than anything she could have ever afforded for me – a designer dress (Jessica McClintock, I believe) – and she absolutely beamed over it. I didn’t really have anywhere to actually wear it, so I mostly just played dress-up with it, which was never overly exciting for me but which thrilled my mom to no end. I mean, it was a pretty dress, but so impractical for all my outside activities. A blue lace dress did me no good. But blue lace leggings? Now those would be perfect. So one afternoon when my mom was on the phone, I set out to make my own pair of lace leggings. I gathered my supplies – blue lace dress, a pair of leggings, scissors, and scotch tape – and got to work.

Blue lace dress // Kelsey, Especially

I cut out from the dress randomly sized and randomly shaped pieces of lace, and scotch taped them to a pair of leggings. I have no idea how long I spent doing this, but I do remember that at whatever point I finally decided that I was done I was overflowing with sense of accomplishment. I mean, how genius was I?! My mom preached the idea of recycling and reusing and repurposing things so I just knew she would be as proud of me for making my own lace leggings – for free! – as I was of myself. Except she wasn’t. She was furious. FURIOUS. If you think I’m being hyperbolic, think again.

Blue lace dress // Kelsey, Especially

My mom was so upset with me that save for the clothes I had on my back at that exact moment in time, she stuffed all of my clothes into black kitchen trash bags and locked them in the attic for a week. No bullshit. Every time I bring up this story she starts apologizing profusely, embarrassed that she was upset over something so trivial. But I laugh and tell her to stop apologizing because I don’t hold it against her. I get it. For real, I get it.

Lately, Emma’s been doing this thing called not fucking listening, which is also known in some circles as acting her age or, being four. It goes like this: RJ or I ask her to pick up her toys or put away her shoes or what-the-fuck ever and she completely ignores us after epic protests. First she whines and tells us she can’t do anything because “my knees hurt,” and then she literally drags her feet while pouting and heavily sighing and hemming and hawing and then she turns on her blinders and tunes us out, proceeding to play or watch TV or color or whatever. But then yesterday we had enough.

After RJ asked her 87,000 times to clean up her mess in the living room she grabbed a Barbie, ran upstairs to her room, slammed and locked her door, and started playing. Nuh-uh. After weeks of empty threats, RJ and I finally followed through: we took everything out of her room. Toys, books, clothes, and all her bedding except for her sheet, a pillow and a blanket. She decided she didn’t want any of those three things and threw them into the hallway, crawled under her bed and yelled at the top of her lungs that we aren’t part of her family anymore.

Blue lace dress // Kelsey, Especially

RJ’s eyes started getting misty. Mine just rolled around a few times in my head. “If you think this is bad, wait until she’s 13,” I said. He looked at me like someone had sucked the soul out of his being, shook his head ‘no’ and went downstairs. Meanwhile, Emma continued to scream at us and then for us, but every time we went in she just started screaming at us again until she finally fell asleep, which I’m 99% sure is exactly how I reacted when my mom took all of my clothes away from me.

How’s the saying go? “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” That’s it, right?

Blue lace dress // Kelsey, Especially

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