The title of this post is a little misleading because it kind of makes it sound like my morning “get ready” routine is something remarkable, but it’s not. In fact, I pretty much look the same from the moment I wake up to the moment I walk out the door. It’s because I don’t wear a lot of makeup, but I’m okay with that because makeup isn’t my thing. Never has been. I sweat way too much as it is, and when you factor in how much time I spend working out (which means: sweating even more), wearing a lot of makeup doesn’t make much sense. During the week, my daily “beauty” routine starts the night before. I almost always shower the night before because IF — and that’s a big “if” — I want to wear my hair down the following day (for even three and a half seconds), I have to let it dry naturally, which takes forever because it’s so thick. Showering the night before and sleeping with my hair down (or in a very loose bun) helps makes sure that it has time to dry. And after 27 years on this planet I finally learned that sleeping with wet hair also means that it dries WITHOUT FRIZZ. That, and I wake up so fucking early as it is that I don’t really have time to add a shower into my morning routine. Even if my shower time is insanely short. Unless Shannon and I shower together, my showers typically stay under 10 minutes; always under 7. Biolage is where it’s at for shampoo + conditioner. It smells So. Damn. Amazing. I workout (see also: sweat + pee-my-pants-while-heavy-lifting-or-double-undering) so much, and Shannon and I have such an…um…extra healthy sex life, that Summer’s Eve is kind of a necessity, even if just for a little mental reassurance. #aintnoshameinmygame. Dove moisture rich body wash and a Venus razor finish things up. Unless it’s a day that I wash my face, and then that Clean & Clear stuff finishes things up.
Washing my face only happens every few showers, and by that I mean: a handful of times a month. I don’t always shower daily because I don’t always have time or I don’t always need to (like if I haven’t worked out, which does happen). Or, let’s be real, I don’t always want to. If I do wash my face it’s never at the sink. It’s ALWAYS in the shower. I use that Clean & Clear stuff pictured above because it’s what I bought the winter I was pregnant with Emma (5 years ago!) and it worked well enough (see also: it didn’t make my skin break out or dry up). The container I have of it now is the first and only replacement I’ve bought since that first one almost 5 years ago; I’ve had it over a year and the only reason that so much of it is gone is because Shannon also uses it when she’s over. I told you: washing my face isn’t in my daily routine.
It’s not that I’m blessed with flawless skin. It’s that I don’t cake a ton of makeup on my face, I don’t shove my face full of crap, and — mostly — I’m blessed with fantastic birth control (“…but wait…she’s dating a girl, why does she needs birth control?”) that keeps my complexion in a perpetual state of enviable flawlessness (“ohhhh…”). From the moment I get out of bed to thirty minutes later when I walk out the front door, here’s everything I have to accomplish:
- Get myself ready
- Get my lunch/snacks for the day ready
- Get Emma ready
- Get Madden ready
That’s a whole lot of getting a whole bunch of different people and things ready, and contrary to popular legend, I’m not Super Mom. So what’s my secret weapon? A concentrated dose of caffeine in the form of a deliciously fruit punch-flavored shot. I don’t drink coffee (or tea or juice or soda) — EVER — but I’m not above taking a bit of pre-workout to help me get the day started if I really need it. “Putting on my face” takes me roughly 2 minutes. I don’t wear foundation — liquid, powder, whatever — or concealer or blush or eyeshadow or anything else that’s remotely powder-y or liquid-y. I don’t even own any of that stuff. I own an eyelash curler, a tube of mascara, and one eyeliner pencil. Seriously. That’s it. After I throw on some moisturizer and deodorant, I put a little brown liner on my lower lids and mascara on my upper lashes. In go my gauges and on go my ring + necklace from Shannon. My hair usually goes up by default, especially during the hot + humid summers we have here in DC, but sometimes — very rarely — I’ll wear it down. So rarely that every time I do my boss asks me a thousand times if I have an interview that day. Ha. Ha. Weekday breakfasts are split into two parts: My grab-and-go breakfast that I eat after I drop the kids off, while I’m driving to work; and the bowl of cereal or bagel with a side of more fresh fruit once I get to work. I’ve burnt out on bagels, though, so for the past couple of months it’s been a small bowl of Cheerios or Rice Chex with either another banana or sliced strawberries + grapes. And that’s really it. By the end of the day I pretty much look the same, except my eyeliner will be almost gone and I might have dirt + chalk matted to my face with sweat if I worked out that afternoon. For reference, here’s a photo of me later the same day that I took my “getting ready” photos. Not really much of a difference, which I’m not only okay with but which I actually kind of prefer.